Feel Alive!

Choose to be whomever you please; imaginary or real.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Let us go to the woods

The woods don’t care where we came from.
The woods don’t care where we grew roots,
Where we tore them from,
Where we replanted and reseeded,
Where we grew tall, and were hacked back down.
 
We fell many times, were felled many times.
But the woods don’t care when, or why, or how. 

The woods don’t care why we came here.
The woods don’t care what dragged us out,
Where we crawled over from,
Where we tried to plant and reseed,
Where we failed and where we succeeded.
 
We fell many times, were felled many times.
But the woods don’t care when, or why, or how. 

The woods won’t ask us for an explanation.
The woods don’t care what excuses we’ll give them,
Why we were out late last night,
Where we stopped on our way home,
Where we failed to stop and succeeded to proceed.
 
We fell many times, were followed many times.
But the woods don’t care when, or why, or how.

The woods welcome us, and beckon us over.
The woods will gladly sit in silence beside us,
Stand tall and present during every introspection,
And give us all the answers for which we question;
Let us laugh, weep, and feel our deepest emotions.
 
The woods will bury them deep within the fertile soils of the land,
So we may rise again with renewed power in our hearts and in our hands.

---

Lyds

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Do Not Resent

How do two people co-exist? Co-create? How do two minds, of perhaps like nature but of different backgrounds, belief systems and life paths join together and merge their existence to become a third energy bigger and better and much beyond the capacity they could have achieved on their own?

It is hard to believe it is possible sometimes.

There is only so much we can do. So much we can anticipate out of life, so much we can plan to do on our own, let alone with another person. We must understand they are who they are, and they are entitled to the wandering they dream of. They should strive for everything they want, much like you should too, and if their dreams bring them to a place far away let them go and their love will remain for you forever. Resentment seems to be the killer in a partnership, and the killer of love. One person wants one thing. Compromise happens, but perhaps too much of it ... and then one day one blames themselves for holding the other back, and the partner is angry because they let all of it happen.

Life will always happen the way it must. There will be life lessons in all instances and circumstances. Perhaps you'll be with your current partner for the rest of your life, perhaps you'll find many more to come before you learn the lessons you must.

Perhaps I'll be with my current partner for the rest of my life, perhaps I'll find many more to come before I learn the lessons I must.

Heading south with blinders on

Learning to let go. Learning to remind myself that life is the way it is and I must go with it, planning as much as I can with what I have, but making sure not to over-focus and be driven by one path with blinders on. The possibilities are endless, and life will hand you want you want, but only if you're open to every method of receiving. I was also reminded by a friend that perhaps "life" or "the universe" -- or whatever it is you want to call it -- hands you everything you ask for, whether it be good or bad. When you say, "I really don't want to work here anymore, I'm so sick of it!" you're most likely gonna get more shitty work you don't enjoy, and more sickness coming your way. Rather, you should exclaim "I would love to work for myself!" without the whole "but I can't because I work here and I'll never get out of it, I'm so stuck".

Anyway, the same old stuff, you know? Sometimes I am reminded of a state of mind I held in the past, and it was overridden with new ways of thinking or just more crap from life being heavy sometimes. My reminder now is 'Think of what you can do with what you have now and ask for what you want and you shall receive it'. Another reminder was self-love and respect. 'If you love yourself fully, others will love you for being honest and true, and perhaps will love themselves more in return.'

End this post with a Walden quote which struck what I've been epiphanizing (?!) :

"If we respected only what is inevitable and has a right to be, music and poetry would resound along the streets. When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality."

Monday, September 15, 2014

In the waking hours

"The morning, which is the most memorable season of the day, is the awakening hour. Then there is least somnolence in us and for an hour, at least, some part of us awakes which slumbers all the rest of the day and night. Little is to be expected of that day, if it can be called a day, to which we are not awakened by our Genius, but by the mechanical nudgings of some servitor, are not awakned by our own newly acquired force and aspirations from within, accompanied by the undulations of celestial music, instead of factory bells, and a fragrance filling the air -- to a higher life than we fell asleep from; and thus the darkness bear its fruit, and prove itself to be good, no less than the light. A man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way." - Henry David Thoreau

Yes, Henry, yes.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Nonsense and exhaustion

It's all about being here, right now. Not forgetting to breathe deeply into who you are in this very moment. We all get so preoccupied trying to get somewhere, making goals, striving for bigger and better things. In the midst of it all, I personally get so ungrounded and shut off from my current situation, I forget to appreciate what I'm up to right now. Most of the time, what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, like being with close friends, family, doing something that is relaxing, having fun playing a sport or doing art or making delicious food. I am so lucky -- so fortunate -- to have access to all of this. What's wrong with what I'm doing? Absolutely nothing. But sometimes pressure builds up inside of me, a need to go farther and beyond what I've accomplished, and think of a way to be bigger and better than what I am now. I want to be "more professional", "more proficient", "more productive". I understand this is healthy to a point -- becoming what you ultimately see yourself being -- but then it just gets stressful.

and SO EXHAUSTING!

I'm taking the time to listen to my thoughts, watch them float by, and stop judging my actions. I want to be content, be happy with every move. Every step I take is beneficial. I don't think there's any real destination in life, which makes it more difficult for my brain to interpret why I'm even here doing what I'm doing, but it also relieves me of the constant pressure from the outside world telling me I should be doing more, better, something else, something someone else wants me to do. Hell even writing this out I'm filtering my thoughts and wondering if the words I'm choosing are good enough to convey what I'm actually thinking; which was filtered in the first place so I guess not.

Thank goodness no one really reads this.
Makes no sense today.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Waddle waddle

I saw a little lady duck walking around the parkade entrance to one of the hotels on Humboldt while walking to the bus. She looked quite lost ... if I wasn't rushed I would have found a way to help her get back home! So adorable -- though kind of sad to see her astray. How'd she get there? What's her story? Was she following someone? Some other duck? Her life companion? Now she may have lost him forever! Oh sadness. I will pretend that she chose to visit the hotel for a stroll in the city, and was just waiting outside in the rain because she loves this weather.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Mundane erks

Feeling uneasy or anxious for no reason. What is that? Like my pores are sensitive, open and irritated and almost wounded. Everything that comes into contact erks, hurts, bothers; it's lonesome. It makes me retreat. Within my mind is a complete different circus than out in the mundane world. Oh yes, my mind is going, going, gone. It feels good when someone else is feeling grounded and secure around me; reassures me and reminds me that...

life is good.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Furniture of Your Mind

"...Why should not our furniture be as simple as the Arab's or the Indian's? When I think of the benefactors of the race, whom we have apotheosized as messengers from heaven, bearers of divine gifts to man, I do not see in my mind any retinue at their heels, any carload of fashionable furniture." "At present our houses are cluttered and defiled with it, and a good housewife would sweep out the greater part into the dust hole, and not leave her morning's work undone. Morning work! By the blushes of Aurora and the music of Memnon, what should be man's morning work in this world? I had three pieces of limestone on my desk, but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily, when the furniture of my mind was all undusted still, and I threw them out the window in disgust. How, then, could I have a furnished house? I would rather sit in the open air, for no dust gathers on the grass, unless where man has broken ground."

- an exerpt from Walden
by Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Think about it tomorrow


This is what I overheard today and wanted to "comment" on it (on this here little blog that no one sees, just to satisfy myself and answer my own questions).

Guess I don't have to think about it until the day it happens.  

This kind of mentality, a "live in the moment" kind of thought process, seems to limit us when the future arrives. Don't we want to be prepared? Isn't this why we live in linear time, so we can anticipate and make plans? It's a huge gift we have to even process future dated information, so why not put it to use? I find the "live in the moment" type of philosophy is a good one in moderation. I want to focus in on what I'm doing right now, how much energy I'm putting into my current actions, but I also want to use forward thinking to make these current actions even more productive and worthwhile, so if anything happens later on I'm ready to handle it in THAT moment. One moment builds on top of the other, and moments gather to creative time. So, if you want to live well, take care of every single moment, every one of them from this one to the next to the one 10 years from now.



Saturday, April 19, 2014

Exhausting!


There's parts of myself I really, really enjoy getting to know while in love. And there's parts, darker parts, tucked away beneath layers and layers of emotion, that I can't stand about myself while in love.

But all of this is who I am, and I cannot neglect either.

With more responsibility, more obligation.
With more intensity, more resilience.

The pendulum swings both directions. It lifts and it idles in the middle, and then lifts back up again on the other side. Both sides bring ecstacy and anger, and both are what humans seek, right? We want the drama, we want the yin and yang, we want to feel alive with vibrant, deep, colourful, expressive emotion that takes us into journeys we never dreamed of (some we never thought we'd hate so much).

I'm learning to accept it all. Love it all. Love myself through it all.
It's the human experience ... what can I say. I'll never really figure it out!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Strange Connection


I can feel strings,
      connecting me to him.
The ligaments are sensitive,
      certainly at night.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Count those blessings!


I've been on a bout of counting my blessings. Being really, really grateful for what I have, instead of focusing on what's lacking. These are the times I feel healthiest -- when I can see the goodness, kindness, the generous people around me, the loving and kind-hearted souls who surround me every day. I have amazing friends, family, and an overwhelmingly loving partner-in-crime.

Also, most important of all: I am ABLE.

Today an older lady walked slowly towards the heavy door I propped open for her. I realized she wasn't in the right place. She was hesitant to come inside. Her cane taking the first step, she inched over and I asked her where she was headed. "Mr. McAllister's office, where do I find it?" I told her to come inside and have a seat while I figured it out. His office wasn't too far around the corner from our office, it turns out. She asked if there was parking in front closer to his office, and my coworker responded that she could just walk there, it wasn't too far. The lady let out a sigh of exhaustion, and perhaps a little annoyed, didn't reply but got up from her chair and walked toward the door. I opened the door once again and let her know she could drive out and around if she'd like to get closer, and she thanked me for the directions and the help.

This poor woman would have been walking around for days at the pace she was going. Her mobility was poor. She was going to see a physiotherapist, afterall. When she left I felt good knowing I'd helped her find her way a little bit quicker and easier. Then this rush of gratitude came over me: How lucky am I to be in this shape, in this body, capable of mobility, with this incredibly user-friendly interface? I can walk long distances, hell, I can even run if I want to! I can sit down and stand up without holding on to something (well unless my back goes out). I can twist, turn, bend -- backwards AND forewards -- jump, roll around, dance. Physically, I am in SHAPE! I can DO ANYTHING! I can train my maleable mind to work out intricate patterns, solve equations, make things happen, do great things! I have my entire life to do so ... or perhaps just these next few moments. In either case, I must appreciate everything that's been lent me, everything that I get to have right now for however long I have it!

You should count your blessings also.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

A click of a button


DELETE.
UNDO.
These were never words tied to our youth. Nothing has ever been easier to throw away; disposable clothing, disposable devices of all sizes. What do we do now that emotions are creeping in? We were taught to push a button and everything would reset. Dreaming is what we're doing ... stuck in a mechanical lucid state, where 0s and 1s are the language of our sons, daughters, even some of our mothers, founders, powerful people who don't think they can make mistakes anymore, at the wheel of a most powerful spacecraft, one that saves our memories into an imaginary bank, but not the memory bank you used to call your imagination.
DELETE.
UNDO.
Can our hearts handle this without you?

Friday, January 24, 2014

Disbelief

Life hits you with incredibility, but with that intensity how are you to deal with insanity? Intelligent as you are, you'll have to find a way to stop thinking about it all, urgently and sporadically try and fix it all. Intelligence will do you no good; the heart has its own vision which may be misunderstood by the careless mind, the mind you find so well rounded, confined to ideals you've been brought up to define in a way so measured, so carefully pressured, steamed at the right temperature, cooked to perfection so you could handle these kinds of situations.

Are you ready to let go of all of it? Will disbelief -- removal from your deepest beliefs -- be the only way out of it?

Saturday, January 18, 2014

I LOVE

CLOUDS.

...!!!!

They make me super happy. Actually, not only happy, but they instill a feeling that is either calming, soothing and uplifting, or sometimes doomy, gloomy and dark. Either way, it is good to feel whatever it is nature is showing you! It is usually a mirror image, a reflection, of what's going on internally. It's interesting that the outside world will only be as beautiful to you as you feel inside. If it's an amazingly sunny day, the air is warm and soft while you feel depressed or down, you will see none of it whatsoever.


Friday, January 17, 2014

As if your First


What an amazing poem ... or whatever you'd call these ramblings
(does poetry have to be a certain structure? naa)

By Steve Sauve

I almost died last year
spent over three months in the hospital
in which time they had to repair my heart twice
it was by far the most horrible
experience of my life
some of my fellow poets have been urging me
to write a poem capturing these events
a serious piece about mortality
but I dont want to write a poem that
brings everybody down
see, the reason most of my poems are comedic
is not that it's all i'm capapble of writing
it's that I want to use my time on stage to uplift people
If you walk out of here with a smile
then I feel like, in some tiny way,
I've improved the quality of your life
and that means more to me
than winning some competition ever could
so if I'm going to write a serious poem
it's sure as fuck not going to be about pain and suffering

Know what tomorrow is?
tomorrow is the one year anniversary of
the day I got out of the hospital
they may have carried me in on a stretcher
but I walked out on my own two goddamn feet
stronger and wiser from the experience

I've heard it said that you should live your life
as if each day might be your last
what the fuck kind of morbid bullshit is that?
Now, I've got a two foot scar down the middle of my chest
that says I probably know more about these matters than you
So take it from me:
The secret of life is to live every day
as if it were your first

When every day is your first
you free yourself from all the cynicism you've built up over the years
You allow yourself to see beauty in all its forms
And trust me, it's fucking everywhere
from the hurried commuter pausing to hold a door open for a stranger
to the room full of people who spent ten dollars
on a friday night to see a poetry show
that's beautiful

Every day
I awake to the sun hitting my face for the first time
I breathe my first breath and it's intoxicating
Every day
I walk out into a world where no one has ever judged me
I look up at the sky and remember how
fascinating the clouds are
And every day
Someone will be the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen

When every day is your first
love has never let you down
you've never been rejected or abused
and you realized that love has got to be
the most ridiculous fucking thing to be
afraid of that there is

I'm not afraid anymore
death tried to take me and I kicked its ass
I'll be damned if love is gonna finish me off

Once you allow yourself to love and be loved
to love who you are 'cause (heh we've already covered this)
you're all beautiful
It's like flipping a switch:
everything changes instantly
it changes from a matter of "if" to a matter of time

See love is a commodity that's in constant demand
and there's an infinite supply
all you've gotta do is learn how to manage it

I'm sure to some of you this sounds like preachy nonsense
that you'll immediately dismiss:
"oh shit, Steve's gone all new agey on us"
but if you take nothing else away from this poem
Then at least take this:
Don't run from love
and smile
you're so beautiful when you smile

Saturday, January 11, 2014

It's time


01/11/11:11am

This year is all about CREATING! Getting shit done!

Friday, January 3, 2014

Positivity with Customers


This business transaction just made my whole night!

When a customer first steps into my office, it's easy to assume what they're like. But assumptions usually prove to be completely wrong, and that's a main reason why I like this job. It tests my automatic judgement. I wouldn't consider myself a judgemental person, but it's almost instinct; I'm going to try to be "transparent" for my client, and this means I'm going to assume how to be and "reflect" the way they're acting towards me so that we can get along and respect each other in a professional environment. I think transparency borders on being judgemental in business, actually, but I guess it's necessary to ensure quality service.

Anyway, why this made my whole night: at the end of the whole transaction, my customer asked me what my new years resolution was (that I could share) other than being happy (cause obviously I had that down already... awww) I said that I wanted to plan some really awesome events, because I'm an artist and when I put on my last art show I was vibrating at the fact that people had all congregated into one place to be a part of what they love, supporting their local art scene and generally their local FUN scene. I was blown away at what I had put together, who I'd brought together, and that I was making something tangible, creating an event that people would actually remember as something that happened in their lives. I like to think that I impact people in a positive way, no matter what I do, no matter how small of a gesture. When I told my customer this, he was stoked for me. When I asked him what his new years resolution was, he said to work with kids more, to exercise, and to turn life around into a really positive experience! He has realized that he's got the power, and that he can change his life for the better, and that is completely a choice. When he said this I was even more touched that he said I was already what he considered happy; it was something he wanted deeply, and I must have inspired him at least a little bit to stay positive and to love what you do. I said I am very blessed and know how fortunate I am, and he loved to hear it.

It's all about how much you can spread the love! It's amazing how GOOD I feel when I simply give off positive vibes and make people HAPPY!

The new year!


HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Later, 2013.

So much has happened. I'm glad I've kept this blog, it helps to remind me of a few important details. I ran into a friend today who also keeps record of the really awesome dates in his phone through lists. I'm gonna start doing the same thing. I have diaries upon diaries describing every single day of my year, but it's hard to just go in there and find the important dates quickly. I just want to see the highlights! Almost every day I have something to jot down, but it's not stuff that I necessarily need to revisit and reread, which is why it's a great idea to also have a list of important days and events.

I highly recommend keeping track, though. Time is flying by and all of this technology is keeping us so busy that we're forgetting to remember! Forgetting to take the time to acknowledge what's happening to us. I don't know about you, but I'd like to hold on to moments. Sure, I can live in the "now", in the present, but I'd like to have all of those moments to think back on if I want!