Feel Alive!

Choose to be whomever you please; imaginary or real.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Grateful for History

History is a funny thing.
We are born into it -- before us there was this stuff, and then we were born and we just overlooked the fact that everything's been done for us already. We don't have to learn how to build a house, how to even make a fire (no, the thermostat has already evolved to its current state where you push a button and your house is warm). We don't have to learn how to build a computer to use one. It's all there! Everything we use has a past -- a long one at that -- and without people sitting there, coming up with the idea, having the will power to get up and get it all figured out, taking the time and effort to make these things come to life, you and I would not be surrounded by much. Thousands of years were strung together to make today happen. People built towns, they built roads and built cars for those roads.

I am so grateful for it all! Life is beautiful, luxurious, comfortable -- I barely have to lift a finger. With our kind of society, I get to go to work and make money so that I may go home and do my art, and to have the time to go to school and learn new skills. The exchange of labor for other necessities is crucial to our development as "evolving" human beings. There would not be much time to develop the artist within if we had to take care of hunting and gathering our food, building our shelter, taking care of the kids and the community and getting all of our basic needs met in the longest way possible. We've shortened the amount of time it takes to get things done, and as much as this has its down sides, it's also brilliant and amazing. Cherish it. Think about it -- you don't have time to cook so you go to the store or the restaurant and you buy pre-made food! Where in the world did this food come from and how long did it take to make it there? Think about each ingredient that was grown in someone's garden, and then cultivated, shipped off, processed, packaged, shipped off, and then landed in your market. Then think of how you've got a job to make the money to purchase this good. MIND BLOWN! It's this beautiful orchestra, where everything aligns and fits together so smoothly that we can have free time.

Take notice of your predecessors. Thank them. Love them for having come along before you and having the hardships and victories so you could live this kind of life.

Also, think about how you will be changing the world for the next generation, the next person who walks into your world and crosses your path. It's immediate. Everything you do reflects outwards and changes other's lives. We share this place with billions of other souls who will either benefit or suffer from our actions.

What will you leave behind?

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Connected, but alone? TED talk

Connected, but alone? by Sherry Turkle

"[Texts and phone calls] don't really work for learning about each other. For really coming to know and understand each other. We use conversations with each other to learn how to have conversations with ourselves. So a flight from conversation can really matter, because it can compromise our capacity for self reflection."

"Being alone feels like a problem that needs to be solved."

"I share, therefore I am."

"Solitude is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments. When we don't have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or feel more alive. When this happens we're not able to appreciate who THEY are. It's as though we use them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self."

"We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. If we're not able to be alone, we're going to be more lonely."

Saturday, December 22, 2012


Yesterday was the end of the world as we know it. Nothing physical happened, but I'm sure during these times people are indeed shifting inside themselves much more than they're probably aware of. Time is speeding up and we're having a hard time holding on to moments. We have to consciously stay where we are, and if unsuccessful we are swept away into the next moment so quickly we forget we ever were where we were. Whew, confusing. I walked toward downtown and experienced a different state of awareness where I could feel the interconnectedness of my actions and of everything around me. I would look somewhere and find what some could call "signs", words or pictures that supported what I was thinking of at that moment or show me direction to where I should be heading next. The best part of it all was when I decided to jaunt down by the boats -- I usually wouldn't go through that part, I'd stay up high -- and I knew exactly where to look to find a box of chocolates! And they were not just any kind of chocolates, they were called "DIVINE mint-thins after-dinner chocolate". Super fancy stuff, delicious, refreshing, and such a treat. The fact that the brand name was "Divine" was ... ridiculously awesome. I wandered around town with a huge grin on my face.

I don't know why I forget these things. The intertwining of events, the simple tiny little acts of one transferring onto the other, sneaking through the cracks of time to be solid and firm where you stand.

I also noticed how much my mind is constantly racing, but thankfully enough most thoughts don't end up affecting my reality instantaneously. I find it's more the feelings and emotions that bring about change around me. If I feel anxious, others will sense it. If I feel uncomfortable and small, others will feel that too. I was tripping myself out at a house party, hiding in a corner where I would hopefully not be seen so no one would come up to chit chat with me (if there's one thing I'm not good at yet it's small talk). There are times where I'm pro at working a room with conversation, but nights like yesterday show that it's constantly changing!

Whirlwind of change! I believe the 21st wasn't the end of the world, but rather the beginning of a new world. In the next couple weeks I bet you anything we won't even be able to keep up with it all. We'll have to adjust to a new way of dealing with time if we want to have any kind of memories left.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

The End of the World as we KNOW IT!


Isn't that crazy?!! December 21st 2012 was really really far away and all of a sudden it got really close. It was that thing everyone talked about for years, very quietly, very softly, trying not to be heard, but now it's impossible not to be heard. Everyone sees the date on their calendar and they can't escape the thought: is this real? Will something really happen?

I've spoken with friends about this and it's not really that we're afraid something catastrophic will happen to the earth necessarily (although this is a huge possibility because of this next point), but that because humans are so dramatically involved in wonder, in confusion, in anticipation for something greater beyond their control to happen, they're actually making it happen. People are going insane. Prime example would be the school shootings that happened yesterday in the states. Sure, this stuff happens, yeah, but is there any relevance to it happening now? All of these earth quakes and tsunamis and typhoons and on and on and on.... so much stuff is happening. Perhaps because we're listening more closely, the earth is responding with a physical answer.

Anyway, I plan on being home with my folks on the 21st. I don't care whether something happens or not. It's quite the monumental day, even if you don't believe in it. The Mayans DID predict something, which is kind of fun to think about. You're alive during this time! Have a little celebration, and hopefully the next day you'll live on to talk about how the 21st came and went with no big deal whatsoever.

Singin' and Drawin' and Speakin' French

The thought of creativity is inviting. I've been wanting to make stuff, get messy, draw more ... but for some reason I am not pushing myself enough in that direction. People around me are asking to do these kinds of things with them, which is a reflection of my invitation of art into my life, but why am I not seizing these moments? I've wanted to sing badly for months, and now I finally have a chance. Something inside -- perhaps the ego and fear -- stops me from going all out.

Update: Yesterday I went to an amazing concert. The singing was incredible, and everything I'd ever want to be doing. For some reason I don't trust that what would come out of me would make enough sense. Maybe I need someone to write my music for me, I'm just not a composer I guess!

French is also my enemy at this time. The more I wait to "whip it out" the worse it will be. I forget words, many basic words, which is sad really. If I don't start speaking it now, I will lose it completely.

Come on Lyds, kick yourself in the PANTS.