Feel Alive!

Choose to be whomever you please; imaginary or real.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Change. Everything around me is changing.

Change.

Everything around me is changing. As we all must know, change is the only constant. I should be used to it ... shouldn't we all? We should establish first and foremost what kind of change constitutes BAD change, if any kind at all. Shaping into things that cause you pain and suffering, in my opinion, would be the wrong kind of change. So far, I guess I've not physically been hurt by the happenings around me, but sometimes emotionally. And emotional pain is very much like physical pain as it harbours symptoms that creep up on you slowly, and lay you on your death bed faster than you could have noticed and cured it. Ailments that are life-long and hiding beneath the surface are the worst kinds: if you don't know about something you can't do much about it.

Lately I feel as though I've failed to make my dreams come true. I have not "succeeded" in material terms -- there is nothing much to show for these last couple of months without a job and with all the time in the world to spare. But the only way we learn is from mistakes, and although I can't necessarily track the mistakes I've made, I still have alot to take from how I spent my time, and want to spend it in the future. Procrastination is a huge deal for me, I suffer from the same confusion as most of the population. I think of how I want to experience a certain feeling or event right NOW, and I'd rather do that than think of the long term effect. But you know what, thinking of RIGHT NOW isn't the best way to go. There's a balance that needs to happen, a consideration of the future, of comfort between right now and right ahead. Perhaps sacrifice doesn't have to be made to be happy later on, just compromise, like a relationship. You give some, you take some, you even out in the long run. I don't know.

I love how these things sometimes become rants. I start my ranting with something in mind and then totally forget what my point was. Maybe that should be taken literally into the grander things in my life -- if I can't stay focused on the goal or the point, how am I supposed to get there in an organized fashion?

Monday, April 16, 2012

Philosophical Coffee Date

Today I had a great philosophical talk over coffee. It made me realize how much of me loves to try to solve the entire world. There's a lot of passion that comes out of me through theory and ideals and complex unsolvable equations. When I'm stuck in my head doing it, I feel so lost, down and under, unable to really appreciate what it is that life has to offer because there's just too much to think about. But when I express it, verbalize it to someone else, it tends to kind of work itself out in ways that are unexplainable. I don't come to a conclusion, instead I realize that the conclusion will never be there and that's the BEAUTY of it. Everything can be anything you wish it to be! And I always know this but I lose myself in meanings and words and translations and views and yaddayaydaydyaddaaaa. BLUH. Too much mumbojumbo. After using all those words you come clear with it: there are no words to express the MEANING of life. Let it be complicated. Let it be unsolvable. Enjoy not knowing, not controlling any of it.

SO MUCH PASSION! Thaaat's what was missing.