Do Not Resent

How do two people co-exist? Co-create? How do two minds, of perhaps like nature but of different backgrounds, belief systems and life paths join together and merge their existence to become a third energy bigger and better and much beyond the capacity they could have achieved on their own?

It is hard to believe it is possible sometimes.

There is only so much we can do. So much we can anticipate out of life, so much we can plan to do on our own, let alone with another person. We must understand they are who they are, and they are entitled to the wandering they dream of. They should strive for everything they want, much like you should too, and if their dreams bring them to a place far away let them go and their love will remain for you forever. Resentment seems to be the killer in a partnership, and the killer of love. One person wants one thing. Compromise happens, but perhaps too much of it ... and then one day one blames themselves for holding the other back, and the partner is angry because they let all of it happen.

Life will always happen the way it must. There will be life lessons in all instances and circumstances. Perhaps you'll be with your current partner for the rest of your life, perhaps you'll find many more to come before you learn the lessons you must.

Perhaps I'll be with my current partner for the rest of my life, perhaps I'll find many more to come before I learn the lessons I must.

Heading south with blinders on

Learning to let go. Learning to remind myself that life is the way it is and I must go with it, planning as much as I can with what I have, but making sure not to over-focus and be driven by one path with blinders on. The possibilities are endless, and life will hand you want you want, but only if you're open to every method of receiving. I was also reminded by a friend that perhaps "life" or "the universe" -- or whatever it is you want to call it -- hands you everything you ask for, whether it be good or bad. When you say, "I really don't want to work here anymore, I'm so sick of it!" you're most likely gonna get more shitty work you don't enjoy, and more sickness coming your way. Rather, you should exclaim "I would love to work for myself!" without the whole "but I can't because I work here and I'll never get out of it, I'm so stuck".

Anyway, the same old stuff, you know? Sometimes I am reminded of a state of mind I held in the past, and it was overridden with new ways of thinking or just more crap from life being heavy sometimes. My reminder now is 'Think of what you can do with what you have now and ask for what you want and you shall receive it'. Another reminder was self-love and respect. 'If you love yourself fully, others will love you for being honest and true, and perhaps will love themselves more in return.'

End this post with a Walden quote which struck what I've been epiphanizing (?!) :

"If we respected only what is inevitable and has a right to be, music and poetry would resound along the streets. When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality."

In the waking hours

"The morning, which is the most memorable season of the day, is the awakening hour. Then there is least somnolence in us and for an hour, at least, some part of us awakes which slumbers all the rest of the day and night. Little is to be expected of that day, if it can be called a day, to which we are not awakened by our Genius, but by the mechanical nudgings of some servitor, are not awakned by our own newly acquired force and aspirations from within, accompanied by the undulations of celestial music, instead of factory bells, and a fragrance filling the air -- to a higher life than we fell asleep from; and thus the darkness bear its fruit, and prove itself to be good, no less than the light. A man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way." - Henry David Thoreau

Yes, Henry, yes.

Nonsense and exhaustion

It's all about being here, right now. Not forgetting to breathe deeply into who you are in this very moment. We all get so preoccupied trying to get somewhere, making goals, striving for bigger and better things. In the midst of it all, I personally get so ungrounded and shut off from my current situation, I forget to appreciate what I'm up to right now. Most of the time, what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, like being with close friends, family, doing something that is relaxing, having fun playing a sport or doing art or making delicious food. I am so lucky -- so fortunate -- to have access to all of this. What's wrong with what I'm doing? Absolutely nothing. But sometimes pressure builds up inside of me, a need to go farther and beyond what I've accomplished, and think of a way to be bigger and better than what I am now. I want to be "more professional", "more proficient", "more productive". I understand this is healthy to a point -- becoming what you ultimately see yourself being -- but then it just gets stressful.

and SO EXHAUSTING!

I'm taking the time to listen to my thoughts, watch them float by, and stop judging my actions. I want to be content, be happy with every move. Every step I take is beneficial. I don't think there's any real destination in life, which makes it more difficult for my brain to interpret why I'm even here doing what I'm doing, but it also relieves me of the constant pressure from the outside world telling me I should be doing more, better, something else, something someone else wants me to do. Hell even writing this out I'm filtering my thoughts and wondering if the words I'm choosing are good enough to convey what I'm actually thinking; which was filtered in the first place so I guess not.

Thank goodness no one really reads this.
Makes no sense today.