Two Alarms

Today, I had to start twice.

The first was early, around 6am (it's Saturday), from a bad dream. In this dream, I thought I was prepared for anything - in real life, there is a COVID-19 pandemic having us all question our self-sufficiency - and then I stood and watched as the ocean welled up and waves came crashing down on the building I was in. I was terrified, and didn't know what to do. So, as you can imagine, I awoke frightened and feeling uneasy.

I sat to meditate. My head was hot, and I kept dozing into some weird in between state. It wasn't comfortable. I felt tired and unmotivated. I looked around my room, wondering what I'd do with my day. Nothing came to mind. There was nothing my body wanted to get up to do. I thought today might be one of these robotic, neutral days where I feel nothing. Yep, they happen sometimes. I smiled to myself thinking, "I know what will solve this boredom!" and put on an episode of one of my favourite shows. Nope. That didn't work either. I resisted my body's need to stop until 10am.

The moment I let go, the moment I gave into nothingness and felt the blankets on the contour of my body, my whole system relaxed. I laid for half an hour, all I needed to re-awaken refreshed and happy to be alive. I got out of bed and put on some classical music. I made breakfast, reeeeeally slowly. I got dressed. I wrote a birthday card. And it wasn't even noon.

How often I force myself out of bed mindlessly, witnessing my body and mind struggle, when I could stop and listen.

Charles Eisenstein touches on this well: "I am not saying that it is bad to do. I am saying that there is a time to do, and a time not to do, and that when we are slave to the habit of doing we are unable to distinguish between them. The time to do is when you know what to do. When you don't know what to do, and act anyway, you are probably acting out of habit." ... "Where does the wisdom to act in entirely new ways come from? It comes from nowhere, from the void; it comes from inaction."