Feel Alive!

Choose to be whomever you please; imaginary or real.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Let go of everything that you know;
Only then can the information flow.

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Pavement displaying solid performance, hovering close under my feet. Soft to the touch, but what is soft and what is touch? Sweet melodies fly through the air and find my ears, following into an abyss of blissful sounds and still the beauty of the world never seizes to excite the senses; so much bigger than I.
Like a moth to a flame,
attracted to fame and the wrong things
that humans seek to fulfill,
replacing those real feelings
and emotions for unsatisfying
and chaotic sensations.
Let us blind the folks,
covet the truth,
send them to outerspace,
confuse the hell out of you.
Just keep the real stuff from coming out,
coming true, becoming real,
becoming you.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Not very much production at this point in time. I've been drawing kind of constantly, but not finishing anything. Dabbling into different projects at the same time. I've been partying more than I've ever done in my life, and trying some new "interesting" things. They're fun, they're great -- live while you're young, or so they say. I'll live any time I want, actually, whether I'm young or old! Glad I'm getting this phase out of the way 'cause you need to... unwind, dance, relax, chill, party, dance more.

I've been on auto pilot most of the week and I've been observing my brain and the way it functions under the influence of different scenes and things. I do still have some insecurities, my ego still takes judgement, and I'm working on that. First step; admitting you have something to work on.

Not much to say here other than I'm flustered and stressed but too "out of it" to feel the stress. Lots of things going on, halloween is around the corner, and my body somehow is managing to engage properly and move along with the times.

Monday, October 18, 2010

What makes my heart beat is knowing that I've immortalized a fleeting moment.
Astro.com -- best source for free daily horoscopes. Just btw.

I've been feeling down since about 2 days ago and wondering what the heck is happening to my brain. Seriously a 360 degree spin from how I felt about 2 weeks ago, when I felt my entire life finally coming into place, opportunities lining up and things organized and functioning 100%. Hurray! Easy coasting from now on! But the moment I thought this was the case, life threw a big cement block on me (quite literally, considering my previous post). Although my car being totaled was a God-send, it was a landmark for something greater spinning into existence.

I've been wanting to set goals and spin all of my actions around them. Not as easily done than said, obviously. I experimented with a few "things" this weekend and after such a dramatic change in my perception, my surroundings don't seem the same. I was warned about this happening, but at first I didn't see too much of a change. My mind's chatter has taken over, and it's not telling me much of anything useful or positive at all. Seems that the world is in a dark haze, and the weather reflects it too (or am I reflecting the weather?) My horoscope totally reflects every sudden change, and I feel a little bit less guilty knowing that the universe is projecting me in this direction (must be something good waiting for me at the end of this dull grey rainbow...) Is it because we always expect a higher power to solve our problems, to rescue us from the debris? Will we ever blame ourselves for our mistakes or for our accomplishments, or will this trend continue? Personally, I like to think of it as a reciprocation between my outside world and my inner world. Without one, you don't have the other. Therefore, the planets are reflecting my confusion and my surroundings are gloomy because of my attitude. In turn, because of the planets I'm feeling confused and because of the weather I feel gloomy.

Doesn't sound like it makes much sense but really, it makes all kinds of sense.

But really who cares about sense anyway, other than the left hemisphere of your brain?

Friday, October 15, 2010

"The Universe" (as much as I hate giving away all credit to its grandeur) has its own ways of helping you right along. A random "act of God" -- or so they call it -- happened on Sunday the 10th (10-10-10, check it out!) I was parked outside of my work, just like any other regular work day when I heard my alarm go off. I stepped outside to discover that my car had been smooshed under a tall statue of somekind. It was hard to comprehend the sight before me for a few minutes. My vehicle was parked right next to a big cement block of a post, which held up a clearance sign. A frequent customer of ours attempted to clear it and failed miserably, which resulted in a warm embrace between the post and my car.

My car was totaled, there was no doubt about it. I laughed at what had just happened, and wasn't struck by it half as much as my car was. Actually, I found this to be a miracle, a random act that set me free from making a decision of my own: To get rid of the car, or not to get rid of the car? All summer I had wanted to stop driving and just bike around town. I was too lazy to get it up to tip-top shape again and put it on the market, so I just kept driving. This solved my dilemma in one quick "tumble".

My driving and getting around isn't the only thing affected by the incident. From this, I will most likely have to find myself a new job closer to home as well, which is another thing I've been avoiding. Quitting has been on my mind for almost a year, but nothing's happened to show me that it should be done -- until now. From one tiny little incident on a day like any other, my whole life is subject to change, and quickly. Funny how "The Universe" makes those decisions for you when you're really strugglin' by yourself.

Here's the article published in the newspaper the next day!
http://www.timescolonist.com/Uptown+bang+falls/3662808/story.html