Feel Alive!

Choose to be whomever you please; imaginary or real.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Over the past few days I've been contemplating relationships. I've been single for about a year and a half, and it still feels as good as ever. Still, almost daily, my mind wanders to some vast romantic void where I've fallen in love and I worry nevermore about being alone. But is that satisfying? Perhaps to some.

I don't know about you, but I can't go more than a whole day with the same person. I need to get out, breathe, expand, contract, form my own ideas again ... I feel quite suffocated and exhausted after trailing along with someone, be it anyone, even the family! Even the closest of close friends will eventually feel excessive. I cannot go a day without seeing someone I love or at least admire, but I also cannot go a day without my solitude and privacy.

There's no way to draw a conclusion with something like this. There's no "I'd rather be this" or "I'd rather be that". Because every single day, every single waking moment changes as your attitude and perspective does. But I do feel that for now, the best way to be able to get all these different aspects of relationship from those around me is to stay "single" (although I don't know how I could even call myself that considering I have a bundle of people around me that I'd struggle without). Love all of it; those who come and go, those who stay, those who know what to say to stop your crying or to make you laugh your ass off at most inappropriate times.

Just know that the next moment will be totally different. It's either your mind stays the same throughout and has difficulty accepting change, or you leave your mind perceptive and open to change and let it warp along with those changes.

Ramble ramble ramble.