always no

saying goodbye. letting go. closing doors. saying no, over and over, for what I know to exist, for the feeling of health, wellbeing, sanity. perhaps I am too insane to find sanity though, thinking that there is such a thing out there that suits my needs. the thing is, I am totally willing to do the work, the right work, the work that is fulfilling and wonderful and loving and all encompassing. yeah, I want the boring stuff too, but in the growth of love I want it to be held by more moments of awe and romance than uncertainty and let down. are my expectations so high that I will always feel let down? am I asking too much of a lover?