requests are important and necessary

realizing that there is a constant muting of requests in a relationship because I am afraid to be seen as “needy”; needing something from them. but requests may just be the answer to living a fulfilled life. if I don’t ask, how can I ever receive what I want? and why is it so wrong to get what I want? 

for so long I’ve believed that I wasn’t worthy of getting what I want. that it’s selfish to get a version of what my mind fantasizes about or hopes for. as if hopes and fantasies should only ever live in the mind, and asking for them to be real is shameful and disgusting. 

while getting to know someone in relationship, in the most vulnerable places, asking for specifics is terrifying. if I ask for attention that I don’t feel I’m getting, they will think I am too much. they’ll run away. they’ll say I’m just a burden, to be asking for something in return for what I’m “giving” them. I want to be done with these beliefs, I want to believe that it’s best for every party to hear requests, wants and needs. it would mean that what I want has value, that my thoughts and feelings matter, that I am a human having a human experience with emotions and sensations that are worthy of connecting over.

mmmm.