what is it I don’t want to feel? is it actually serving me to repress those feelings? what if it’s no longer necessary to do so?
we actually maintain a practise, with great effort, of being aggressive toward who we find ourselves to be.
- from Already Free
today’s insights
there is a fear of loving intensely. as if the abrupt change is not normal. as if I should always remain in the same peaceful, equanimous state, unshakeable. if I express love and affection, I know that one day it must dissipate and change, and I’ll have to “shamefully” return to my previous state. but what if I welcomed and embraced the things I feel, the rollercoaster of emotions? so what if it “doesn’t work” and I am seen falling in and out of love constantly? so far, every person has been worth my energy and attention. every one teaches me. so what if I teeter, am happy, am sad? the human condition. fully feel, and fully move forward with the new experience, grow, release. I want to continue experimenting. to feel big, always. to expand.
how much could I expand? how much of my self am I not allowing to come through because I believe I must dull myself down to be loved? love because loving feels amazing. love what I have with delight, while also knowing I am totally fine without it simultaneously. I am always basically, fundamentally good. how do I make sure I thrive without leaning or needing anyone to keep me there? small acts every day can be rooted in unconditional love. I am the one who feels love. they don’t do anything to me that I don’t do to myself. so how do I continue to experience love, no matter who comes and goes?
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