No matter what book I pick up lately just doesn't speak to me. Well -- it does, for a little bit, and then it goes and tells me something I don't believe in or I don't WANT to believe in, and BAM. I don't like the book anymore! Right now I'm reading Sit Down and Shut Up, which is a book about Buddhism and Zazen. It's super cool as a concept but it scares the shit out of me when he starts mentioning not wanting to have an "end goal" of enlightenment, or not doing Zazen because you want to achieve anything but rather that you want to discover the "truth", even if the truth is really scary and doesn't do anything for your ego. It's this strange lie I keep from myself: that I want to know the truth. But when I'm close to it or I've found it, and it's not what I wanted it to be, I just choose to ignore it and seek for the truth somewhere else. Does everyone do this?

I figure though that the truth doesn't have to hurt or be ugly, or surprise you. If you look, ACTUALLY look around, the truth is right there. It's in the trees, the air, the rocks at your feet, the stop sign ... and if you see this truth as a mirror, it tells you about yourself too. I saw a dead rat on my walk this morning ... wonder what that's a "metaphor" for. eeek.