you've been quite unsettling right from the start: abrupt endings, death, movement, shedding, revealing ... but you're stirring in just the right ways. my meditations brought insights of having to let go even more, specifically of my identity and of my sense of control. I've learned that life is just happening to me, and I am suffering if I wake up in the morning trying to bend it to my will and my preferences.
so, I'm following my footsteps, which are walking to what my awareness lets in, into what's in front of me in the present moment. I'm no longer sure what intuition actually means, maybe a trust in being able to handle whatever comes my way. if I breathe, if I relax, if I let go into the moment, then anything can be a beautiful human experience. I chose to leap toward the unknown, move to a new island alone, on a farm in the winter, with little security. I am extremely fortunate to have family and friends who support me and would never let me fall, so in that, I realize I have a net to catch me, which is much more secure than most. still, I chose to leave the comfort zone - which was driving me insane - and the chaos of uncertainty here is proving to be worthwhile.
I've started meditating every day, trying to do 1-1.5 hours since the meditation retreat on Gambier early December. I've started a new job venetian plastering, which has been a goal for years. I'm in a cabin on Saltspring island, surrounded by forest, nestled between several tiny cabins. Matilda has bit the dust, so I am without wheels, having to depend on others for transport, continuously humbled. I have started drawing again, for my own pleasure, and am starting to get excited to participate in murals and other art projects soon. I have taken a step back from the self-sufficient path, for now, and trust that I will realign with it once I've got more tools (plaster being one of them). this island is magic for me right now, and I am so grateful for the humans who dance, play, and act from a place of creativity. I am learning to love, to really put in the work, to shift my mindset about what and who is good for me.
I wonder what's next.
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