Rambles About Work

Time and Money
At what cost will I sell my services? Yes, there is a price to the hours of my day. That price fluctuates, changes, inflates, increases with time and experience. Yes. But that is just money. What about the other currency; time? How much time will I give to the work? How much of my energy will be consumed in time, stress and anxiety keeping me working through the evening and night, moving through my dreams and startling me awake?

Doing the Work (and failing)
I am torn. I want the work. I want to be wealthy, and have money to spend on occasions, festivities, on my loved ones, and importantly health and emergencies. My whole life I have lived with the minimum. I never believed I needed much. Things are changing with age, as I ponder what I want in life, who I want in life, what I want to surround myself with, and what the trade off is worth. I want to live well, happy, healthy, and sure, with money to spend. I want to make my clients happy too, give them what they really want. Whatever they envision, I'd like to give them that. The hardest part of my work is probably having to show a process that isn't perfect. The process IS the work, and I've learned that. But I wish everything in the process was perfect - then I wouldn't be stressed, then I wouldn't worry about how much work I'm putting in. It would all just come out beautiful every time I put pen to page or stroke to design.

Choice
No matter what, if I do something I love, I will experience the heartache and the stress. How do I know that I should be continuing, moving forward with what I've got? How do I know that this is the best version of me, the best version of my work? What if I am keeping myself from diving into something much more ... Me? What a first world question this is, I realize. The simple power of being able to choose what I want to do with my time, and especially what I want to do with my time for money, is absolutely a privilege. At what point am I not using this privilege properly?