Fall Symptoms

From my freshly opened diary on October 16th

On days like this, everything feels new. FALL - the best remedy for stagnance. The floating leaves remind us of our shortcomings, of the fleeting world. We must choose every moment as if our last ... or our first. Life is completely what we make it, and of course we must work with what's handed to us. It's not a one way conversation. We're constantly giving and taking, letting go and receiving. All of life feels like an "in between" moment. Waiting, grasping. Holding on.

My life lately is so beautiful. It's breathtaking. I live in a paradise and it's impossible not to notice. The people around me are prime, tender, juicy, full of life and dreams and goals, and we all feed each other our creative energy. Everything is looking up. And if for some reason it starts to look anything but up, I know it's necessary for the next step to smile and laugh. Everything is balanced. Like rooted trees, all we can do is plant ourselves firmly in our reality and let ourselves be morphed by our surroundings. The looser we are, the more flexible our bodies, the easier going through the currents of life will be. I know this, but it's just that sometimes I wake and the world has put a big black curtain over my eyes. All I must do is lift it. But it's okay to stay in the dark for a while... It's healthy to see both sides.

I am introducting many new characters into my play, onto my stage. Yet there are still those who stand much firmer, like the foundation to my stage, the main bringers of love and happiness. There is a certain quality to those who will be in my life forever. Tranquil, peaceful, calm, but with fervor, beauty, strength, willpower, and a willingness to open up to experiences and to change. Those who become attached to a way of life will most likely remain in my past, unless they learn someday that to follow me they must morph along the way.

I currently sit on the patio of Tre Fantastico in October with the sun beaming on my face. The leaves are falling and strangers roam around, partaking in my fond appreciation of this beautiful stream of moments. I am content with the amount of work I am accomplishing lately; it makes me feel purposeful, driven, and meaningful. I want to involve as many as I can in my process. Everyone benefits from collaboration and creative company. I am starting to learn that I am the only one to blame when things don't get done (noooo way?!)! I am seeking new deadlines, new boundaries to push and to evolve through. I thought for the longest time that going to New York or leaving this place was the only way to push myself ... but this was false. It's all in front of me, if I simply reach out for it and put my back into it (aawww yeah).