life as my lover

I am co-dependent with life.

Life and I are lovers. Partners. We share everything. We both have different ways of operating; different answers to problems. We've got preferences. Sometimes we'll agree to disagree. I must always remember there are two minds in this relationship, and although we exist separately from each other, the third entity we co-create is the most beautiful of all. When I say yes to this partnership everyday, there is less struggle. We have each other's backs. When I remember I'm in a relationship, I know I am not the one in control. There is always compromise. I don't always have the last word, the last say. I don't hold the power. 

Life and I are lovers. This is specifically reassuring in times of darkness and sadness: I am not alone. There is life there to witness me. Help me. Love me. And I can choose to awaken to this truth and stare back into my lover's eyes, witness the witness, become one with the all-seeing all-knowing face of Love.

no center

The mind must have space, limitless space, and that can only take place when all problems are resolved as they arise. You can have great space only when there is no center. The moment you have a center, there must be circumference, a diameter, a movement from the center to the periphery. Space implies no center; therefore it is absolutely limitless.” - Krishnamurti

body

I don't want to be in anyone else's body. Mine is my favourite. My life is the only one I want to live. I would never trade any of my ills or difficulties to become another. When I sit and ponder this, I truly do not wish myself to be any other way than what I am right now at this very moment.

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Manifesting something "through" someone else is the same as coming through me. We are all vessels through which life experiences itself. Life is abundant and I believe it wants to find its way into our lives any way that it can.

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There is no divide between the work and the play. Everything pleasantly weaves together to build the fabric of my life. The more I allow this, the more open and free I feel. And there is no wrong way to live this precious life!

From Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Nietzsche said "If you fulfill the pattern that is peculiar to yourself, you have loved yourself. You have accumulated and have abundance. You bestow virtue then because you have luster. You radiate; from your abundance something overflows. But if you despise yourself, if you have not accepted your pattern, then there are many kinds of beasts in your constitution, which get at your neighbours like flies with appetites you have failed to satisfy."

Nietzche found his way to love by acknowledging beauty. "I want to learn more and more. I want to see as beautiful what is necessary in things. I shall be one of those that makes things beautiful. Amor Fati - let that be my love henceforth. I do not want to wage war against that which is ugly. I do not want to accuse, nor do I want to accuse those who accuse. Someday I wish to be only a yes sayer."

A determination to find what is beautiful. A path toward love.

There's a lightness in my body and mind today, empty but full of substance. Not the sad empty but rather the contentment of being where I'm at. I awoke from friendly and flirty dreams, which may have left a bit of satisfaction in the morning, as if I had socialized for a few hours before waking. I didn't question wanting to go to the cafe for work; I have accepted my leaving the house in the morning, and the usual fight against my own preferences - my own patterns - wasn't there. I want to live every day with this ease. I no longer struggle against my desires. What if at the end of my life I thought, "Oh Lydia, you could have loved every minute of it, but instead you tried so hard to stay away from yourself, from the things that fed you" ... 

We Were Doing So Well

Going back to normal isn't an option. It's not what we want as a collective anyway. We can do so much better than before. But right now I'd say we're doing worse than before, and if this world continues with the shaming, blaming and hatred, I doubt we'll ever find anything better than we had. 

We were doing so well: educating each other, helping unravel past traumas by sharing and talking about it, giving permission to speak about history and opening up about social, ecological and economical disparities. We were on our way to reconciliation, to forgiveness, to allowing humans to be faulty and move towards healing.

It was all too positive and well-meaning. Not enough fighting. Not enough war-like mentality. We were treading the language of love and well-being, and we can't have any of that. It wouldn't represent us as a culture. We sure couldn't step up and out of our old patterns and ways of interacting with each other to form a better, more beautiful world ... no. We had to find people to blame for our discomfort, for the difficult feelings we experience because we live in a paradoxical world right now, in between stories of old and new, instead of continuing to talk to one another and learn. Grow, with the accompanying growing pains.

...do we remember why we're fighting?

We picked up our weapons so long ago we may not remember why we came out to the battlefield in the first place. Is it time to re-evaluate what ground we stand on, why we took our stance, where we'd like to be now? Look around; has progress been made amongst it all? Did we choose our weapon, or were we given a weapon and told using it was the only way to win this battle?

Done with Mystery

can I love without mystery?

can I love when it's obvious, when it's easy, when it's right in front of me?

can I love when there's no question, when there's no uncertainty, simply transparency?

can I love with laughter and play, with discovery and learning, with being in this material world?

can I love on a trip, in the forest, in my house, at the lake, close by, far away, playing, working, resting?

I am afraid that I will always need mystery in order to be interested.