There's a lightness in my body and mind today, empty but full of substance. Not the sad empty but rather the contentment of being where I'm at. I awoke from friendly and flirty dreams, which may have left a bit of satisfaction in the morning, as if I had socialized for a few hours before waking. I didn't question wanting to go to the cafe for work; I have accepted my leaving the house in the morning, and the usual fight against my own preferences - my own patterns - wasn't there. I want to live every day with this ease. I no longer struggle against my desires. What if at the end of my life I thought, "Oh Lydia, you could have loved every minute of it, but instead you tried so hard to stay away from yourself, from the things that fed you" ...