Rosie Coloured Glasses

I take in the view from your star window;

a field of dreams, of bamboo and blackberry, 

cloth floating through the breeze in the rolling meadow. 

I walk through the field to the next room;

Trees of pear, apple, plum and persimmon

morning dew awakening my feet as I glide,

humming a tune, expansive in my being.

A family of strangers greet me as I enter;

endless bounty, generosity, child-like ease,

"come in as you are", a rare feeling of knowing.

Soon the sweet bitterness of coffee finds my tongue,

bird calling for you, you approaching me,

and an embrace, a touch of my back, awakens me to begin.

The Escalator

---

No thanks,

I'd rather take the stairs.

I don't mind the extra effort

knowing we'll be stronger still;

and we might stop, enjoy the view

without running frantically

backwards in place

counter to some arbitrary momentum.

I'd rather feel each step

and earn the reward -

our own volition -

choosing to ascend.

- Luke Deville, Jan 2023

from before

you can’t tell me, you’ve gotta show me

but you can’t show me without letting go

you gotta show me while holding yourself

show me you love yourself so much

that it overflows into me

that you have so much to give

not because you’re avoiding yourself

show me that you love yourself so much

that wanting me is extra, that needing me

is coming from longing, not fear of losing

---

are there two kinds of need?

the need coming from love,

the need coming from fear?

how do those needs differ?

needing from love builds intimacy,

needing from fear builds resistance?

sure, you’re not doing this for me

you’re doing this for you

but how do you hold yourself

amongst all of them

all of the others

the ones that aren’t me

and if you’re working on it for you

then let’s see it in the world

let’s see you changing for the world

for yourself and the world

and let the change for me

be a byproduct, an outpouring

because it doesn’t end with me

it only begins with me

are you different if I’m not looking?

do you show up for me, not for them?

---

your eagerness and persistence is both

your weakness and your strength

it is what captures my mind

and alerts my heart to distance

Michelangelo

the other day, in the coffee shop next to my work - where I have been struggling for 4 weeks, going into my 5th - a man mentioned the sistine chapel ceiling and how hard it must have been to paint it. for some reason in that moment I wanted to know more about Michelangelo, but quickly forgot about it. today, I decided to backtrack to a tiny library on my walk (as I am sick today, and am sick for the second time in two months), where I found a book titled "The Agony and the Ecstacy: the passionate biographical novel of Michelangelo". impressed to have followed my intuition to come back to check this library (and god knows I have enough books I don’t read already), I went home content. later today, I watched yet another episode of my favourite show - the show that is keeping me sane and empty during this difficult time - and they mentioned Michelangelo. just a second, no more, but just enough, for my ears to perk up.

just listening to the little nudges as I struggle through this piece of art.

could it be transformative?

little surer

remember that everything you do, no matter how small, no matter how personal, is extremely important and deserves to be experienced.

in this very moment my insides are twisted and turned about what to create, or maybe rather how to create. how to sit myself down and start producing, for no one but myself, for pleasure, for pure learning and joy. I don’t remember what it feels like actually, so no wonder it’s so difficult to start. the highlight of my day lately has been getting dressed: putting together an outfit that feels artistic.

 
I think that maybe
I will be a little surer
Of being a little nearer.
That's all. Eternity
Is in the understanding
That the little is more than enough


R.S. Thomas


I had a really big feeling this morning of wanting to find work that involves many people, helping people, getting up to meet people. people people people. people are what I get up for, much more than art. but maybe I could change that? maybe once I do something artistic I can really get into my own flow, like when I went to the studio and painted oranges. … all I could think about was painting those oranges.

heart poetries

your edge accentuates your softness. the miracle in your tender cheek reveals truths so deep they are not even accessible by your own knowing. I will stand here as a mirror to remind you: you are Loving Presence, you are beautiful and magnificent; a peaceful warrior.

---

am feeling wanted,
but not chosen...
yet.

am feeling chosen,

but I do not want...

yet.

dance

dancing lights me up.

it cleans me, rings me out. I am fascinated by my body's quick responses, moving to rhythms both familiar and unfamiliar. am I my body more than my thoughts? when I dance I feel free, open, fierce, strong, beautiful, exotic. the best version of myself. I experience where the pain is, as much as where the joy is, and that is a necessary way to heal. 

how can I further this practise and make it even more intentional? how do I grow in my body, in strength, in wisdom, cultivate a more comprehensive language in movement?