Time & Patience

Time is exponentially increasing in speed. It's nuts. It's ridiculous! And also sort of exciting. Things are happening around us so fast we barely have time to graze them, let alone catch 'em and hold 'em. Everyone is in the same boat, it's happening to all of us, whether we're 25 years old or 60. Hey, at least we can all relate to time now, and not just the weather.

What makes time feel so fast? What's different today than was 10 or 15 years ago? I'm thinking maybe technology, and the increasingly high demands on the human being. The way we live today asks us to do everything at once, or else we can't keep up with growth and evolution of the company, or of the family, or even of the human race! Multi-tasking is risking a huge loss in focus and concentration. The best thing we could probably do for ourselves is learn how to shut off everything around us while working on one task. Sure, we may think that we're really, really good at speaking on the phone and driving and thinking of lunch all at the same time, but are we actually fully present in these circumstances? Me thinks not. And my theory is that if we took a step back from all of this stuff, we might experience time slowing down once again. Instant gratification, wanting everything right now -- and getting it, thanks to the internet and iphones and all this -- makes us so impatient, so easily unnerved and anxious! Patience, the understanding and acceptance of a lengthy amount of time between two tasks (or, by dictionary.com's terms: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay) is a virtue not many embody today. Maybe meditation practise should be incorporated into the schooling system so that the new generation grows up with the patience most of us lack.

Anyway, time is fucked up.

That is all.

In the Fog

Thick with foreboding energy, creating a security blanket around the city before new times set in, the fog prepares us for autumn. I don't remember last year being this foggy, but I sure do love the vibe it creates. It's almost like a stillness, a quiet, comforting density that hugs us tightly before releasing us into the future. When I can't see very far in front of me I focus on my footsteps, and on the little details around me. There is no need to think too far ahead -- if I can't see it, there is no reason. It reminds me to let go, and trust that I always instinctively know where I'm going. There is nothing wrong with being where I am at this moment. Knowing that I do not know everything (and that I do not need to know) gives me a sense of ultimate freedom.

Alone or lonely?

Still trying to master staying at home by myself. Most times I end up trying to find something to do anywhere but home, and it truly does not fulfill me. And no matter how much I know this, I keep doing it again and again. Am I afraid to be alone? Am I afraid of being bored? Perhaps unseen. I have this weird personal theory that if I don’t see anyone  and they don’t see me then whatever I’m doing actually doesn’t exist. That’s probably wrong.

Feeling Lost

Feeling “lost” is a difficult state of mind. I’ve been in this as of late, although I think I know what I want. I’ve been reading books about how to get what I want. I’ve been soaking in my surroundings, trying to see what’s there for me, staying open to new opportunities. I have many personal projects I want to get started on, but my motivation to get these done is low lately. I wish there was a button to crank up my passion volume. I have love for my hobbies and activities inside my body – I can feel it, it’s right there – but I can’t pull it out efficiently. Actually, it shouldn’t be about efficiency whatsoever. It should just be done, whether I’m in the mood for it or not, whether my mind allows it to be fun or not.

When I had my fashion show at the end of the school year just a month or so ago it was the climax of my career as a fashion design student. Everything built up to it, and nothing could take it away. It was either I made it or I didn’t. I loved how much stuff there was to get done: planning, scheduling, fabricating, locating, searching, gathering … bringing to life. It was brilliant, and I felt brilliant also. I was in control and yet I had to trust that things and people around me would work out as efficiently as I had planned in my mind. I had a vision and even though only part of it was manifested, things got done and the show HAD to go on. I will forever be grateful for such an experience, as now I am measuring my new experiences against this larger-than-I accomplishment. I want something to mirror the way I felt when I was in it. I struggle by myself, so I know I need a conductor to my orchestra. I want to pick out the players in this orchestra, plan the concert, and then sit back and watch as my life – the music – plays itself.

The Time Is Now

So I go onto Google to look up variations of a tattoo, to start designing mine. I type in, "The Time is Now", to see what comes up. It was kind of instant. I want a watch or an hourglass of some sorts.

What comes up?

1:11 PM

Too funny.

BEGIN!

"The openness to begin is all the openness we are required to have each day. We begin. The rest unfolds through us." Julia Cameron

iPhones and iWorlds

I have entered the iPhone world!!
It was a scary conversion.

But ya know, I feel like I had to get with the times. Most of me wishes we could go backwards in time a little, get rid of all of this crazy technology and keep it simple. Yet, another part of me understands that the world is growing, moving forward, and evolving along with us crazy humans. I could not deny it any longer.

Technology has many benefits, as long as we know to stay true and stay real. Now I can use this tool to promote what I love to do, and therefore do more of it. People get to connect instantly! I can do some work at home and still feel like the world is watching me (in my case, that's a really good thing, because I don't get anything done unless someone is there to tell me to keep going).

I also purchased a watch, which means I won't have to look at my phone everytime I want to know the time. This is a culprit move that just gets me into the black hole of checking something else. If I have the internet at my fingertips, I must find ways to remove my will power from the equation altogether. Get rid of as much temptation as possible. I must say, it feels nice to have a REAL clock on me again.