DO SOMETHING.

No thing is ever done wrong.
The only wrong you could do is nothing at all.

Waking Life - Revisited

From one of my posts in 2010, GOD I love this movie so much, and specifically this scene.



"It's just that moment, which is holy. You know, like this moment, it's holy. But we walk around like it's not holy. We walk around like there's some holy moments and there are all the other moments that are not holy, right, but this moment is holy, right? But, like, who can live that way? Who can go, "Wow, holy"? Because if I were to look at you and just really let you be holy, I don't know, I would, like, stop talking."

"Well, you'd be in the moment, I mean ...."

"Yeah"

"The moment is holy."

"Yeah, but I'd be open. And then I'd look in your eyes, and I'd cry, and I'd like feel all this stuff and that's like not polite. I mean it would make you feel uncomfortable."

(Long moments pass with them staring at each other)

"Everything is layers, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, there's the holy moment and then there's the awareness of trying to have the holy moment, in the same way that film is the actual moment really happening, but then the character pretending to be in a different reality. And it's all these layers. And, uh, I was in and out of the holy moment looking at you. Can't be in a holy ..."



What a great scene.

Like a skater

large empty vessel
void is full of potential
clean soil, laid on the ground
picked up, tossed around
what is emptyness but a need to be filled,
can we fill ourselves with temporary pleasure,
with pleasurable time, with time to spare?
is there criteria which must be met
to be good enough for the space unkept?
judgement on the soul level
....nothing good enough yet.
drop in on the bowl, let the heart explode
with momentum, desire, that falling feeling
you're always waiting for in life
in the small things you know
probably wont fulfill you.

Poem and holdem

But what happens now?
Now that opportunity's been presented twice,
not just once, but TWICE,
and you saw it, spit on it,
you retreated and neglected it.
You've made your own bed
and now you must lay in it.
     ...only for a while.
           Cause your insides die, slowly, daily.
           The pain eats you up, weighs you down,
           it doesn't let you go until the source has been found.
And where will the source be found?
Isn't it already there, burning your soft, pale flesh?
Doesn't it surround you and show its face in the mornin glow?
Rise in the east, set in the west, the oldest tale true to the test?
     ...and yet
             you STILL won't acknowledge its presence.
             It's effect on you.
             The vitamins it's feeding you.
             The quality of life it brings you.
You'll turn a blind eye, pretend it's not true.
The fear of burning will cloud your view.

Guess you'll be coming back to life many times over to play it again.
Over and over again, until you get it right.

...Just shut the hell up

The pain in your chest
continues,
no longer believing
that patience is a virtue,
one that will heal the wounds
you've inflicted upon yourself.
The days roll by,
one foot in front of the other,
worried, someday, you might get caught
in the wheel that's turning, perpetuating,
waiting for you to make up your mind,
to let it all out, to speak the truth
and to release suffering.
Inward, downward,
deeper than expected,
the answers are there...
just shut the hell up and listen.

Over and Under Worked

It is possible to be over worked and under worked. There is a happy middle one must find in order to feel healthy. I speak from personal experience when I say that people are more energetic and generally happier when they are not living to work and working to live. LIVING should be comprised of work, but they should not be dependent on one another. You can live whether you have a bunch of money or not. You can live whether you're in the worst slums or you're the richest in all of Hollywood. Living has many different qualities to it, of course, making it a positive or negative experience. Even these qualities are interpreted differently by separate parties.

In my workplace I experience people being depressed and depleted in energy. There is constant complaint, aggravation, anxiety, sadness, dis-ease. You could even go as far as to say that overworking yourself is a disease. It has permeated through our culture and has infected most of us like a virus. We think so highly of money, as if it were above us, as if it were something attainable and achievable through hours and hours of slavery with a company who is also just as blind as you are.

I've also seen people depressed and inert through laziness or boredom. The same as above is true for the opposite extreme to working too much -- working too little is just as scary. Kids and adults alike end up trying to fill a void with unnecessary activities, which could affect the mind in a very dark and shaky way. They "get up to no good", they get violent, they become complacent and sometimes could lead to suicidal tendencies. This is a large problem in kids now who don't play outdoors, who are content sitting in their bedrooms looking at a screen, who do not know how to be active and socialize.

I'm mentioning these two parallels simply because it's so common, and so easy to avoid. It makes me really sad to see beautiful, smart and funny people be angry, sad or demotivated because they're at work 40-60 hours a week, all in hopes of making more money to buy more things to make them feel better about actually being empty inside because there's no time to create and to do things they love to do (whew).

GET ACTIVE. DO STUFF. Work hard -- at something -- it's healthy, it's necessary. Men specifically need to use up some testosterone. Take a martial arts class, for God's sake. Or dance, if you're that kind of man. Women, do yoga, dance, walk a lot, get outside. Everyone GTFOutside! Stop working so much, and stop wanting to spend so much money on useless garbage. The world has enough garbage that Forever 21 or H&M doesn't have to create any more dump.

This was supposed to be a positive post ... but at least you see where some of my issues lie with the human condition. I try to integrate these beliefs into my lifestyle by purchasing mostly second hand items, shopping at local or small businesses, supporting the little guys, keeping a smaller space so my rent isn't so high meaning I don't have to work so much, and being able in turn to create more and give back to my community in a positive way -- because I have enough energy to give away without expecting in return.

Fall Symptoms

From my freshly opened diary on October 16th

On days like this, everything feels new. FALL - the best remedy for stagnance. The floating leaves remind us of our shortcomings, of the fleeting world. We must choose every moment as if our last ... or our first. Life is completely what we make it, and of course we must work with what's handed to us. It's not a one way conversation. We're constantly giving and taking, letting go and receiving. All of life feels like an "in between" moment. Waiting, grasping. Holding on.

My life lately is so beautiful. It's breathtaking. I live in a paradise and it's impossible not to notice. The people around me are prime, tender, juicy, full of life and dreams and goals, and we all feed each other our creative energy. Everything is looking up. And if for some reason it starts to look anything but up, I know it's necessary for the next step to smile and laugh. Everything is balanced. Like rooted trees, all we can do is plant ourselves firmly in our reality and let ourselves be morphed by our surroundings. The looser we are, the more flexible our bodies, the easier going through the currents of life will be. I know this, but it's just that sometimes I wake and the world has put a big black curtain over my eyes. All I must do is lift it. But it's okay to stay in the dark for a while... It's healthy to see both sides.

I am introducting many new characters into my play, onto my stage. Yet there are still those who stand much firmer, like the foundation to my stage, the main bringers of love and happiness. There is a certain quality to those who will be in my life forever. Tranquil, peaceful, calm, but with fervor, beauty, strength, willpower, and a willingness to open up to experiences and to change. Those who become attached to a way of life will most likely remain in my past, unless they learn someday that to follow me they must morph along the way.

I currently sit on the patio of Tre Fantastico in October with the sun beaming on my face. The leaves are falling and strangers roam around, partaking in my fond appreciation of this beautiful stream of moments. I am content with the amount of work I am accomplishing lately; it makes me feel purposeful, driven, and meaningful. I want to involve as many as I can in my process. Everyone benefits from collaboration and creative company. I am starting to learn that I am the only one to blame when things don't get done (noooo way?!)! I am seeking new deadlines, new boundaries to push and to evolve through. I thought for the longest time that going to New York or leaving this place was the only way to push myself ... but this was false. It's all in front of me, if I simply reach out for it and put my back into it (aawww yeah).