The Book Thief

First, the colors.
      Then the humans.
      That's usually how I see things.
      Or at least, how I try.

-- Markus Zusak

Just started reading The Book Thief by aforementioned author. So far, brilliant. I went into Habit for my morning coffee on Wednesday and ran into my friend Alan who had recommended another book I loved (The Fault in Our Stars by John Green). This time, I'd asked for something rather strange, dark, and poetically written, in a manner that I could read a story but still feel like I'm experiencing more than just the words on the page. This book seems to be doing it. I hear it's a big deal of a book or something ... I can understand why. I shall update you later, and will most likely have many quotes to follow. Like this one:

(A Translation: Himmel = Heaven)
Whoever named Himmel Street certainly had a healthy sense of irony. Not that it was a living hell. It wasn't. But it sure as hell wasn't heaven, either.

Mmmmmm yummy words! Delectible!
You got a favorite book?

Diss Connection // Lagging Behind

DISS CONNECTION

Inner turmoil created from the silliest most ridiculous kind of loss, mourning the signals that no longer can pass through the veins of the system, created only to make us feel connected, by tones, by waves, sounds of the unknown, until familiarized through vocal chords of your bud, your friend, the one you love. Comfort zone, too easy to get into with this device, take it away and have a panic attack. Since when do we need constant stimulation -- motion, movement -- since when must we have a schedule, a ladder to go up to the next level, finding people in the middle and the outskirts and see them struggle also to do the same thing as you and you can't stop even if you see it outside of you. Pity the fools who get entangled in the web, the intricate interconnected wires which bring you and another together in the same room but only by sound, by words comforting your wholeness, your physical isness! You know you exist, finally, cause before you sure as hell didn't feel it. What a phenomenon, this crazy technological advancement, de-evolution of human transcendence, the electrical charge between two hearts, that taken away emulate the ceasing of the beating, of the living, of the pumping machine that drives us every day.

But then, I can see why we've grown so as a species, connected by strings of exasperated fuses, sparks have flown for less than a decade but look how far we've projected into a world that's united, in some odd shape but still taking form, letting us build on friendships unknown, breaking down walls without fear of rejection, of loneliness and indigestion, heart burn, uncontrollable and inconceivable heartache! Sure, we've grown, 'cause now take it away and we might be persuaded to build upon the knowledge gained from hiding behind our phones and showing our souls once the connection's been made.


LAGGING BEHIND

Tic ... toc ... tic ... toc ...
The clock is running late for it's own meeting with fate, they're colliding suddenly and breath and life is created one instant and jaded becomes the one who mentions it. Don't be late for your very important date or the well will run dry and then what will they do? Those who depend on you and sometimes even abuse you with questions and questions and questions and KNOWLEDGE, all of a sudden knowing the question was the answer even though forbidden for a minute, eclectic it was when you told them to wait a second for the well to get filled, for the well to give back and for the well to run dry again! Fate counted the minutes and said "fuck that noise I ain't waiting around!" and left only to return when life no longer demanded that everything make sense and everything have order. Understanding gave back to the the well of fulfillment, filling no one's cup but refilling with good luck. Aren't we all just trying to make a buck, to use what the well has provided and return it at dusk? We run the risk of ... being cut off by the bus!

No really, I just got cut off by the bus and couldn't finish that sentence up.

Filtering the soot

Everything I talk about tends to be pretty positive. Pretty happy. I just wrote two poems in a real quick manner (see below) that took about 2 minutes to write each. Seems that things that spill out of my quill are rather dark compared to my outlook on life. It's almost the other side of me that's needing to say something, reminding me that there's two sides to one coin -- two sides to my own -- and this ain't too bad of a thing. It's almost like a filter, these letters, just so it doesn't have to seep through my language with others. I'd rather keep that shit on paper.

A Falling Out

my heart!
     it's bursting with joy,
with happiness,
with heaviness,
the right kind of heaviness,
the one that carries
carries burdens and worries
far away into the distance
so you feel em but they're
not touchable, not so
real anymore.

my heart!
     it's bursting with care,
with understanding,
even from despair, cause pairing
never seemed less fitting,
in a place where being alone
is necessary in understanding
the way of the world,
of ourselves, of each other
come together for a moment,
any longer and we could fall out,
you know,
fall out of each other...
isn't that the way we were
brought up, all we know
is the disorder created
from loving another?

Unbuckle your Seatbelt

stuff needs spewing
guts are exploding
happiness, insanity
resting still unsurely
of the volume
we speak
do we cause any
disturbance
destruction leading to rebuild
the civilizations we live in
unnoticed, unworried, blissfully
unsorted,
understood
though
that blissful ignorance
could lead to less desirable results
lest we do it anyway
keep repeating the same habits
sensations, emotions,
stuff running through the veins
just spill it, spew it already
who knows what
cleaning agents the blood can carry
rinse, lather, repeat in that order
and then you can come back
to a state of no bother.


Felt like writing a little blurb. When I write poetry I don't really think of the  words coming out, whether they make sense or not. I think this one kind of ended up making sense though! I like it.

OMG LYFE

The end of the summer was a real high for me. I came out of myself, I became extremely social and made so many new wonderful connections. Saw so much music, immersed myself in art, danced, and wandered in the night. It's almost like my inner child came out and taught my adult self important lessons. There are so many people in my life I'm thankful for, some of them not even knowing for very long but already having a strong bond, an instant connection. Life has been full of substance, of passion and love and spice! And coffee, lots of coffee.

I was so happy all summer and fall long, and so much so that I am strangely afraid of the lows coming. I know that life is made of ups and downs, and that life is not always OH MY GOD ITS SO BEAUTIFUL, and that I should appreciate even the dark corners of my mind. I say this because I feel it now, I feel the lull, the pressure again, and the uncertainty is creeping in. Self confidence is a big part of feeling great about life, and I've owned it over the past few months, but after all of it now I am noticing the aloneness of the world and the retreat and hibernation of the winter is creeping in on me. I live to make people happy, and when others have received all of what I can give, a threshold of happiness, I begin to wonder what to do with myself. I believe I've received as equally as I've been giving, so it's not a question of now needing more love to level it out. It's more like aiming the love inward again and learning that I should feel just as great without an output ... loving myself should be enough.  But is it? Is it wrong for me to want to keep giving and giving?

Insurance Friends

One of the most amazing things ever is meeting awesome people through my work. And THEN! Not only do I meet them here and think they're awesome, but I run into them out and about and they recognize me as their insurance agent and they had a really pleasant experience with me. And THEN! We start to cross paths all the time and become real friends!

The insurance biz ain't so bad.