Guiding Principles

Trust the Motherly Giving Universe

- Life is a gift, live in the gratitude of what I receive

- I am never truly alone in my being

- Ask for answers and listen to receive them

- I am always supported in my decisions, no matter

- I am living in tandem with something greater

Living from my center / Higher Self

- Always coming back to myself, living from inside out

- This allows for living life through what I truly desire rather than what I think others want

Action over Thought

- Just do it. Don't think about it

- Action will breed more success than only thinking about something

- Thinking will create fear and anxiety of the future

- Action will show if something is right for me or not in time

Act from Love not Fear

- Love will make things more beautiful

- Allow others to love

Ultimate Self Compassion and Kindness

- Always be kind to myself, inside my thoughts, outside

- Treat myself as I would treat a friend

- Treat myself as a friend would treat me

- Everything I don't do and everything I do is OKAY

Life as Art and Beauty

- Remember to find beauty in all things and situations

- There is something to be created from everything around me

- Art is around me and WITHIN me, it wants out

Done is Better than Perfect

- Get messy and just get it out of me

- Get it done rather than get it perfect

- Perfection is my skewed perception of done

- Only way to learn from my past material

Service to Others

- All the personal work I do benefits others

- My alone time allows for growth

- Growth means I am more serving to community

- My service to others comes back around to me

- Others serve me equally

Healthy Body, Mind and Spirit

- To live a long life for retrospection and integration

- To support activities that allow me to thrive (dance, move, play)

- I can better express myself with a functioning vessel

- To support others through their struggles without my pain in the way

Ask What It Needs

 "Expectations based on the work itself are the most useful tool the artist possesses. What you need to know about the next piece is contained in the last piece. The place to learn about your materials is in the last use of your materials. The place to learn about your execution is in your execution. The best information about what you love is in your last contact with what you love. Put simply, your work is your guide: a complete, comprehensive, limitless reference book on your work. There is no other such book, and it is yours alone. It functions this way for no one else. Your fingerprints are all over your work, and you alone know how they got there. Your work tells you about your working methods, your discipline, your strengths and weaknesses, your habitual gestures, your willingness to embrace.

The lessons you are meant to learn are in your work. To see them, you need only look at the work clearly - without judgement, without need or fear, without wishes or hopes. Without emotional expectations. Ask your work what it needs, not what you need. Then set aside your fears and listen, the way a good parent listens to a child."

On Emotional Stability, Ambiguity, and New Versions of Me

What was it like, to be emotionally stable, to feel good in most - if not all - circumstances? How have I become this rollercoasting coaster of a woman? I had to open, had to crack, but could it be that now I am holding on to what has spilled out of me? Is it time to stop inspecting the contents that have left me and now investigate what is left at my core ... the lightness of my being?

It's as if I've trapped myself in a perpetual state of "opening", and the actual resulting space of openness has not been felt. Letting go of the transformative state is almost as hard as stepping into it. Maybe I haven't even experienced the new me post transformation.

So, how do I know when I've felt enough and must move on to equanimity? When do I start to focus elsewhere instead of on the pain and struggle? I've just learned how to feel anger, how to release frustration, how to see what I want and don't want, how to feel the spectrum of emotions. Seems easy to get addicted to these wild emotions. They're part of the HUMAN EXPERIENCE! and I've been missing out for decades until now! Although this is true, I don't want to become one who seeks drama with these new teachings.

I must realize I have learned everything from my teacher, and say goodbye. Now I can be the new version of myself: one who encompasses and expresses real emotion while also remaining steady, calm, and loving, specifically inwardly.

==

The ambiguity keeps me tied. It allows for one tiny crack of light to come through, one glimmer of hopeless romantic hope, underneath all of the hard layers I have built on top of my heart. No matter how much I deny it, there is constant wishful thinking, and that is because there has been absolutely no closure. Or perhaps there was, and it was not held to its truth. Am I the one who needs to close this door forever? is this even possible, would my soul allow itself to escape its confines of the prison I built around him?

==

The more time passes the less time passes between thoughts. After a good amount of time I am able to divert my attention of affection from he to me. It feels almost effortless, which is surprising as it is so unbearable when I relapse into one of my dreadful, heart-breaking episodes. They come on like a tidal wave with no warning. I think I've survived with no wounds or trauma to speak of, and yet, it remerges every time, showing its beastly head, showing me that locking it up and hiding it away never killed him. The only way to escape such tidal-wave-born beasts is if the cycle is broken, and to break such a cycle means to try something completely different. Something needs to be taken out of the equation completely. If he were never to return into my world, I would no doubt free the monster inside of me. But how do I come to make such a choice, to push someone I love so much far away from me, never to be seen again?

Our Place in the World

Is it really so hard to believe that "finding our purpose" is a big deal in today's culture? Doesn't it make sense that we search for meaning in what we do with our time - in how we slave our days - because we biologically long to be connected to the cycle of feeding our bodies? Perhaps the reason we are so intrinsically tied to our work, and are so quick to place our worth as humans in the hands of the job we've chosen, is because it replaces what used to be the physical daily rhythm of staying alive, of feeding our bodies. Our basic needs are now met, and the only connection we have to staying and feeling alive is making sure we have enough money to buy food. 

When we were connected to nature, when our senses were so attuned to the patterns of the day to show us the next place to eat and sleep, did we doubt our place in the world?